Get Real

Shakendra stuck her hand out to shake, all 5 foot 2 of her and said, “Mr. Gee, you been the best white teacher I ever had. Sorry I been so  bad this year. But… you been real.” 

We both chuckled at the inside joke of being real. During the course of the long school year and in my class made up of adolescents, whenever I’d get too wordy, someone would suggest to, Keep it real. 

Wally Gable, the class loudmouth, would say, “Mr. McGee there you go again talking college. We are bad kids. Don’t you know we need simple words.” 

Ms. Howdy, the school's popular recreation therapist, would join in if my educator self got to be too much, and follow suit, ”Yes, Mr. McGee, can’t you just keep it real.” 

Shakendra and I walked up the hallway. Her bus ride home waited in the small lot outside. As teachers we had hosted an end-of-the-year goodbye barbecue for all the students. We were the outpost school. Our students, some 30, had been booted out of their mainstream for bad behaviors. Most came from fractured families. Their plight and their nature endeared them to us. Underneath their tough veneer, there was a propriety of fairness.

At the door, Shakendra looked up at me. “Shay, you be good,” I said.

She smiled. “I’m going to learn to swim this summer.” 

She joined the other students getting onto the bus. Ms. Dary, the driver, tooted a so-long from her seat. Shakendra waved. I thought she mouthed, You Get Real Mr. Gee. She’d always left out the Mc of my name.

As often as I heard the colloquialism, I couldn’t say for sure what getting real meant. There were several hearty words which come close to describing it.

Honesty always tops a list, implying straightforwardness and a judiciousness in dealing with others.

Authenticity is another. A quick google search brings up being real with the authenticity definition.   

Of course in political circles the big word for being real is transparency. Webster’s defines it as “the quality of allowing light to pass through so the objects behind can be distinctly seen.”    

The word real in Latin is res, for the thing. So then whatever the thing is, be straight about it, genuine, honest, and transparent. It is a term for being upfront with others and oneself. 

 According to The Slang Dictionary, being real was first attested to as early as 1954 in the book, The Huge Season, a book about the Jazz Age.

It appears from a cursory check the saying had its beginning in, ‘American black speak’, then it diffused into Hollywood and by the end of the 20th century into rap. 

Jamal’s 1995 song, Keep it Real, opens with, Crack the bubbly. Don't stop, don’t stop, don't stop.Yo word is bond. 

Other hip hop songs and books have followed with Keep it Real as the title, or in the lyrics. 

Keep it real brings in the whole package. It implies, don’t be all about yourself. Don’t be phony, deceptive or pretentious. It is an aggregate.

Shakendra would have sounded awkward if she’d said to me, “Keep it authentic Mr. Gee”, or "Keep it genuine.” 

Rachel Beohm, a blog writer about life and leadership, says “being real means knowing yourself and being comfortable in your own skin.”  She says honesty and being aware of one’s good points and flaws is a criteria. 

While being real sounds easy to do, Boehm says it’s not. Many people fear rejection about presenting their true self. And finding out the real you takes time and what that means.

In an academic research article entitled To be or Appear to be, the authors contemplated that some persons are authentic and some work hard to appear to be authentic. It’s important to understand the dynamics of this sought-after trait. 

While there’s enough inauthenticity to go around in both political parties, in 2016 the presidential candidate Hillary Clinton said to a black radio announcer that she always carries hot sauce with her in her purse. Her conjecture it seemed was that black people like hot sauce. She was trying to be Real with her audience by identifying with them. The comment didn’t endear her to the voters. 

Something prompts a saying or word into the vernacular. Keeping it real, is an admonishment to behave congruent with your emotional self. 

But why has this saying become part of the cultural speak? And why did it surface in the latter half of the 20th century? 

One theory: Language trends according to happenings of the time. In recent decades the superficiality of commercialism tried to shape identities. Therefore people were thirsty for realness, not depicted by the eat, drink and drive this to-be happy ads. 

A second theory, complimentary to the first theory, is that the American family is fractured; this being more evident in the black and white culture, than the Hispanic and Asian cultures. It is commonplace for sure to blame the failing family for the downturn of civilization. But Being real relates to fundamental values. 

Caregivers shape a child’s sense of self. If there are no caregivers, or they are aloof to imparting what it means to be real, then children learn by and through other means. And these are ad-men prowlers, social media influencers, and peers. 

Shakendra and Wally in my class some 20 years ago were starving for a direction about who they were and could become. They were insightful enough to understand the importance for a person to be true to themselves. But piecing that all together without good, caring support from adults who themselves had any notion about how to get that, made their life topsy-turvy.

Keeping it real was repeated enough in my classroom during that last year. Looking back, I should have done a whole week's lesson on the subject. Perhaps, I too was to blame for not picking up on it way back then. 

I hung up my teacher shield after the class of 2003. And moved into counseling. I never saw Shakendra again. I hope she learned to swim. 

Whenever I hear Get Real, I think of her. And remind myself to head in that direction.

The names in this essay have been changed.